Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Popcorn Arsenal

When people think about popcorn they usually think about a fun and tasty treat.  When paired up with movie watching, it can really make for a great friday night with the one who you care about most.

I on the other hand am not thinking about it in that way right now.  I'm thinking about it more along the lines of the Bain of my existence.  :-)

Batch 1

I'm driving home from work ready to sit back with the family and watch a flick, popcorn and everything.  Upon arrival I find the popcorn has been mostly consumed by my children.  This is normal.  Kids like popcorn, I like popcorn, but I was too slow.  Being the ingenious adult that I am I go over to the kitchen and begin making the second batch.
Batch 2

I made popcorn as a teenager at my parents home and knew the whole process.  Oil, 3 kernels to gauge temperature, pot with lid, and a burner.  Put the oil and the 3 kernels in and place on the lids above the burner. Wait, and wait. three pops later you can fill the bottom of the pot with a quarter cup of kernels and shake until done.  However, the variable I didn't take into consideration was the fact that my parents have larger pots than I do as they had to feed a family of 8 children. Ugh.
So as I'm frantically trying to contain chernobyl of popcorn incidences my wife lovingly offers to fill the salt shaker as I'm finishing up the clean up efforts.  I get the biggest bowl we have and successfully contain the problem.  I begin to melt the butter and pour it into the bowl of popcorn.  Now having three children you can imagine the time and effort it takes to care for the bunch.  As daddy is battling popcorn mommy needs to stamp out a potential potty issue.  As she flees to the command of my two year old as he says "Mommy I need to go potty" She manages to shout out "Honey please screw the lid on the salt shaker before you use it."  I half listening agree and begin to finish the final bit of the "Shake pour" method of butter to popcorn application.
As you would imagine,  with my attention span being a grand total of 2.5 seconds I immediately reached over to the salt shaker and poured 2/3 rds the contents into the popcorn bowl.
Batch 3

Temporarily giving up on the popcorn scenario we continue the night and watch the movie popcorn-less as I was the only one who wanted it by this point.  I laughed at my own blunder and my wife laughed as well.  I being slightly upset I didn't get my hard earned treat and my wife slightly upset that I wasted the butter. ;-)  We watched our movie and placed the children into bed.  I studied for school submitting one of the projects for my behavioral science class, and decided that I was going to wind down by scoping out what is new on Youtube.
Then, I had an idea.  A wonderful and sneaky idea.  With my wife having gone to bed, and the children also fast asleep, I was going to make another batch of popcorn.  So, I very quietly retrieved the tools of popcorn.  I carefully poured a new container of salt and securely fastened the lid.  I then popped the corn and poured the butter into the batch.  I shook the exact amount of salt that I required and carefully placed the popcorn bowl on the couch.  I remember the best counter measure to salted popcorn was a tall glass of ice cold water.  Success! I was ready to consume an entire batch of yummy delicious popcorn, completely all to myself.  As I was sitting on the couch my foot caught the corner of the cushion where the popcorn bowl was located, and I saw in slow motion as the bowl began to tip spilling the popcorn onto the floor and between the couch cushions.

Dejected,  and admitting my defeat I cleaned up my mess and went to bed having not eaten any popcorn, knowing that I would have to explain to my wife why I wasted more butter.  LOL
 

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